So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
