y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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