highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
