exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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