Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
