I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
