We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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