just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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