after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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