we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize