it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
