He asked to "fluff my boner.."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
