I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
