i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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