i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
