I got chris browned last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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