I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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