My Higher Power is John Stamos
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
