Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think people are normalizing furries
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
