What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
