worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
