Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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