can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
