You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
