Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize