The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
