So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
