I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
