I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
