i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
