Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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