I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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