i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
operation have a gay friend backfired
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
