Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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