it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
