i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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