I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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