I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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