I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
