toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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