just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
