I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
