Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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