Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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