if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
