Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
