I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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