Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
