I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
