I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
