adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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