Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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