My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
