hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
