Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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