I think my fart just growled at me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
