Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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