Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
