when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
