I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
