i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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