why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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