I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
