I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
