He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
