will power is for people who don't want to get laid
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
