so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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