what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
