At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
