he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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