If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
