woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
