R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
