so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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