I wish I could punch you in the face.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
