Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
