you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
