His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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