Umm I'm too high to move.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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