friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
