Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need water and some morals
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
