Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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