is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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