put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
